apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
