my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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