I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
