Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
