In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They have beer where we have blood.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
