just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
