WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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