If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
