its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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