The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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