I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
