Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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