you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Farmville is her only friend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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