her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
