i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
