I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My pussy is not your playground.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
