mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
