did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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