Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
