I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
