You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
