I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
