i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
