In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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