worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
