I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
