I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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