I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
