It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
