So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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