Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
