so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do vagina's smell?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
