no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
