The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
