Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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