I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
