This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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