DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
