Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
