I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
