He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
