so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my shit smells like andre
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
