I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
