I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
