you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
