I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
