After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Please don't give away my fajitas
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
