I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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