I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
