don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
